I have been noticing the lack of being present in the moment lately in some of my conversations. Despite the fact that most are set up in advance or those that are not, I always ask if this is a good time to talk. I put everything aside and am fully 100% present with the person on the other end of the phone. Yet, I notice sometimes that their energy wanes and they answer me with one-word answers or they seem distracted.
The reason is that they are doing something else besides listening at the time, usually it is the computer. People think they can play video games, Facebook or read email while having a conversation. Would you read a book while having a conversation with a friend or business associate?
It ruins the connection and the other person can energetically feel that you are not present. When this first started happening, I found myself quickly getting off the phone whether or not we covered what we had planned to. It made me feel bad, like I had done some thing wrong or interrupted.
Last week I made a decision to make sure my caller could be fully present for the conversation or I would reschedule it. I know to some this may sound harsh, but I want the connection. If you are not focusing on the conversation or the speaker, most likely you will miss most of what is being shared and you won’t have true connection.
I also make a point to turn off the ringer on my phone when joining someone for lunch or a business meeting unless there is an emergency or pre-arranged reason to have it on. I don’t look at my incoming messages or texts while I am with the person. So when we are eating and you are reading your texts, I wonder why I am even there. The point in having company is, conversation and connection.
It makes me so sad to see families around a table and everyone on their phones. I believe if you care about someone enough to want to talk to him or her you should be present in the moment and connect.
We just need to be a little more thoughtful.